Friday, November 25, 2005

Twisted gut

With only two weeks left of my service in Samoa, I'm undergoing what I can only describe as "twisted up gut". In some ways, I am so ready to go and yet, on the other hand I feel like it's not yet time. I have a project under way to build an accessible playground for the school. Last week, I heard from the funding agency that my proposal was approved. We've ordered our building supplies and some ready-made swings and a teeter totter and turned in the invoices to Australian Direct Aid. I just have to wait for them to cut the checks. There's no way that it will get built before I go but I need to be okay with that because I have a very competent new volunteer replacing me as soon as I move out. I'm trusting that she will be able to follow the very detailed plans I'm leaving her and finish the project. I wish I could see the fruits of my labor but I'll just have faith that it gets done without me.
I've bought my ticket to the States and am planning to visit Arizona and then have Christmas in Vegas with my brother, sister, and cousin. I can't wait to see my family. But, there are also people here that I now consider just as close as family and don't want to say good-bye to them.
The hardest part I think is taking another jump into the unknown. I have a routine here in Samoa, a job, a set group of friends, a paddling team, a running route, etc...when I get home I won't have my normal routine. Everything will be unfamiliar just like it was to me when I first arrived in Samoa. Adjustment to Samoa was very difficult but re-adjustment to America might be just as if not, even more difficult. Every day this week I've woken up with a morning bout of the runs. Although, it's possible I've contracted Giardia again, I think it's more likely attributed to anxiety. There is just so much to think about. Even as I write this my stomach is in knots. I'm sure it will pass as soon as I get on my plane to go, but good-byes are tough as are new starts.


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